CHAPTER 4: All About Sex Toys For Women

Note: This chapter was written for the perspective of genders with a vagina.

I have to call bologna on some of the gossip going on out there.

Every article about women’s orgasms begins with some version of the same statistical crisis: 80% of women can’t orgasm from just sex. If men orgasm every time they have sex, it means for every orgasm a woman has, a guy has three. It’s called the “orgasm gap.” (And it’s only true for heterosexual relationships.)

One argument is that women just drew the evolutionary short stick.  I argue the problem is even more complicated than we think.

Without getting too editorial: maybe the answer to “Why can’t I orgasm” isn’t evolutionary at all. Maybe it’s because women just don’t have the same social freedom to explore their sexuality. I spent a decade of my life wondering if my hair looked okay during sex. Instead of learning how to orgasm I worried about what my O-face would look like. Ironic, considering I never came.

I know I’m not the only one. Society treats our orgasms like the world’s hardest riddle, like one answer will close the orgasm gap for all.

Wrong! What makes the female orgasm so beautiful in the first place is that it’s not routine or scripted. Today’s orgasm feels slightly different than tomorrow’s orgasm. There are several ways to make a woman climax if we have the patience and dedication to discover them. Hell, 29% of women have had an orgasm from nipple-play alone.

Instead of learning how to orgasm I worried about what my O-face would look like. Ironic, considering I never came.”

The dilemma isn’t that women can’t orgasm. It’s a two-part problem. One — many women don’t take the time to learn what makes their body orgasm. Two — they aren’t asking their partners to help them get there.

That’s where sex toys come in.

What Happens During a Female Orgasm

Many of us would be satisfied with a one-word answer of sorts. Bliss. Heaven. Ecstasy.

But take a peek behind the curtain. Understanding what happens behind the scenes of your orgasm can improve your strategy on how to make them happen. Besides, knowledge is empowerment.

Female orgasms begin with arousal: those tingly, warm waves you feel surging throughout your body. During the arousal period, blood swells your vagina and clitoris and signals the vagina to lubricate. The clitoris enlarges to become more exposed and sensitive. All the while, blood continues to fill the pelvic region.

As your arousal intensifies, your breath grows short and heart rate increases. The muscles of your vagina, pelvic floor, upper thighs, and buttocks tighten. Then, you reach the tipping point, when all the tension involuntarily releases. Your uterus, vagina, and anus contract at intervals of .08-seconds three to 15 times. The more contractions, the “bigger” the orgasm. On average, women experience six to ten contractions.

As the tension dissipates, waves of pleasure wash over your body. You feel happy thanks to a rush of endorphins and oxytocin released at the peak of your O. Oxytocin is the cuddle hormone that makes us extra affectionate and gushy.

How To Have An Orgasm (Or, How To Give A Girl An Orgasm)

I wish I could give you a transparent answer, but this is the best out there: it depends. Women experience different types of orgasm, according to NeuroQuantology, and each orgasm is caused by different strategies of stimulation.

  1. Clitoral orgasm: An orgasm that comes from stimulating the clitoris.
  2. Vaginal orgasm: An orgasm that comes from stimulating the G-spot, or any other internal pleasure points.
  3. Blended orgasm: An orgasm resulting from the stimulation of both the clitoris and the G-spot (or any other internal point that feels good).
  4. Multiple orgasms: Multiple orgasms are back-to-back orgasms. Women have a super short refractory period, so they orgasm as many times as they want or can handle.

One type of orgasm is not necessarily better than another. It varies from woman to woman, as does the tactic of stimulation. For example: Sarah has a clitoral orgasm when her partner strokes her clit in little circles. Emily hates little circles, and only has a clitoral orgasm when her partner strokes up and down.

It’s like rocket science, you say? Maybe. But the whole process gets a lot simpler when you involve a trusty machine with superhuman capabilities.

Sex Toy Orgasms

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but orgasms aren’t going to walk up and happen to you. You can’t sit back and hope that one little poke of a finger or penis or tongue is going to make you explode. You have to work for it. Your partner has to work for it.

On their own, women are doing pretty well. According to a survey by Cosmopolitan UK, 39% of women get most of their orgasms from masturbating with their hand or sex toy orgasms. Only 20% of women get their orgasms from intercourse with clitoral stimulation.

Clearly there’s not enough stimulation going on in the bedroom. I know the work gets tiring, even if it is pleasurable. But this is why we use a sex toy! Sex toys make stimulation possible so that both partners can feel pleasure.

If you’ve never used a sex toy for masturbation, it’s the best place to start. Without anyone around to pressure you, you can use it to explore your body. Find out what kind of clitoral stimulation you prefer (hard, soft, fast, slow). See if you can figure out how to find your G-spot. Experiment with vaginal orgasms. Play with anal penetration. And don’t forget to take mental notes as you pull together the preferences you’ll refer to throughout the rest of your sex life.

Finding sex toys to use with a partner is vital for those who feel they don’t have a chance at orgasm via intercourse. Employ a sex toy to bridge the gap between giving up and finally reaching that O. Keep a vibrator on your clit in doggy-style or spooning position. Ask your partner to use a dildo on you during oral sex. Put a blindfold on to make the pleasure feel more intense.

For every orgasm your partner has, you should be getting one too. Remember that with a sex toy, you don’t have to rely on your partner to be the source of all your orgasms. It’s empowering to be the queen of your own pleasure.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do clitoral or vaginal orgasms feel better?

There has been a lot of investigation into the different types of orgasm that women can feel. But the only difference between a vaginal, clitoral, and blended orgasm is the kind of stimulation that got you there. You may enjoy the method of clitoral stimulation better than others, but it won’t give you a different kind of orgasm. That being said, orgasms vary in quality. Orgasms that consist of more contractions are generally perceived as “better.” The only tip we know for better orgasms is delaying the climax. The longer you wait, the more tension you build in your body, and the more satisfying the release.

How does female ejaculation work?

The spongy area surrounding a woman’s urethra can swell and fill with liquid during sexual stimulation. When intense pressure is applied to the vaginal wall, right about where the G-spot would be, the liquid can squirt out. No, it’s not pee. It’s basically the same thing as semen minus the sperm. While porn and expectations make it seem like an every day deal, squirting only happens to some women. Whether you can makes no statement on your sexuality.

Why can’t I orgasm?

For women, learning how to orgasm can be an obstacle course. The best way to learn how to orgasm, if you’ve never experienced one, is masturbation with a vibrator. If you still don’t orgasm, there could be several explanations. Many women struggle to orgasm due to sexual dysfunction, a condition you can look further into. Orgasms are vulnerable territory, and if you aren’t in an environment that feels 100% safe and comfortable, you may not get there.

If you’re struggling to orgasm during sex, it’s probably because you aren’t getting enough clitoral stimulation. Or, you don’t feel comfortable enough around your partner to relax and ask for what you need.

While porn and expectations make it seem like an every day deal, squirting only happens to some women.

What are Kegels?

Your Kegel muscles are your vaginal muscles. As women get older, it’s important that the vaginal muscles stay in shape, just like any other muscle in the body. Popular exercises to strengthen them are called Kegals. Here’s how to do Kegals: squeeze your pelvic floor up, as though you have to pee and you’re holding it. Clench the muscles for five seconds, then release. Repeat as many times as you’d like. Here’s a little incentive for you: doing your Kegels can make your orgasms stronger. Make a morning routine out of it — Kegels and coffee.

Is the G-spot a real thing?       

Unfortunately, there’s not a definite answer yet. Two to three inches inside the vagina on the interior wall, there is a soft spot that gives some women buckets of pleasure. When it’s stimulated, some women go crazy and others feel nothing at all. One theory guesses the G-spot is really swollen urethral tissue, another assumes it must be part of the clitoral structure. The spot gives masses of women amazing orgasms, which is as real as it gets.

Beginner’s Guide to Choosing A Dildo

So you want to buy a dildo. High-five for doing your research first — it will come in handy when you’re waist-high in dildos trying to figure out what’s what.

Dildos are focused on one thing: penetration. They all have their unique tricks and treats, but they all intend to optimize the pleasure of insertion. Men and women alike crave the feeling of being “filled,” and good dildos make it happen.

There are soft dildos and small dildos. Some are super thick and borderline monstrous, while others are humbly realistic. All the options feel a bit paralyzing, but we’ll break it down step by step. For starters, ask yourself: what do I like?

Men and women alike crave the feeling of being “filled,” and good dildos make it happen.

If you’ve had sex with a partner with a penis or a toy, this activity is a lot clearer. Think back to your favorite sexcapade. What was his penis like? Try to remember the shape, size, and any other memorable characteristics. Think deep, literally. Dollars to doughnuts there’s a dildo just like it somewhere on the market. This is your starting point.

If you haven’t had sex with a guy or experienced penetration at all, you may not have any idea of what you want. That’s okay! But you’re reading this because you want a dildo so you definitely have curiosities stirring up. Try to define these curiosities. As though you could customize your own, close your eyes and dream up the perfect dildo in your mind — color, length, width, and texture. Bingo.

Dimensions of a Dildo

A dildo has varying dimensions that can affect the way it makes you swoon. Only settle on the best dildo that meets all of your criteria. Let me explain.

  1. Size

Size is the most important dimension to consider when you buy a dildo. A dildo that’s too small will feel underwhelming and you’ll feel better off without it. A massive dildo will be too intimidating to use regularly and you’ll feel better off without it. Either way, you’ll be without a dildo and that’s not allowed!

Size consists of length and width (or diameter, for you geometry geeks). Most of our minds struggle with translating numbers into mental pictures. You can guess how long an 8” dildo is but you probably can’t guess its width. Whip out a ruler and head to your kitchen.

Find a phallic object — a banana, zucchini, cucumber, eggplant, sleeve of Oreos, and the like. Measure the length of the object so you can get a grasp on the diameter. Now that you have a visual on how an 8” dildo might fill you, you can proceed with some guesstimate adjustments. (Ex: maybe you like the length but you really want a dildo with extra girth, that sort of thing.)

  1. Shape

If you’ve seen a number of dicks before, you can attest that they all have their own shape. Sure, the idea is the same. But some have a curve to them — up, down, left, or right. Others are totally straight. So it goes with dildos.

Curved dildos, particularly those with an end that curves up, are reputable G-spot massagers. If you haven’t found your G-spot, or you adore G-spot play, then opt for this shape.

Another distinguishing feature of dildos is the base. Every dildo (except for the vibrating ones) has some form of flared bottom. This is usually for safety reasons that prevent the toy from getting lost inside of you. The base can be a set of balls (for a more realistic touch), a circular end, or an attachment piece for a strap-on dildo.

  1. Material

The material of your dildo is the most important part. I go into this in greater detail in Chapter 2, but I’ll give you the synopsis.

Materials that are generally considered safe: medical grade silicone, glass, acrylic, porcelain, metal, steel, wood, and hard plastics.

Materials that are generally considered unsafe: jelly, rubber, PVC, Cyberskin or any other imitation material, and thermoplastics. (Or anything that is artificially squishy and soft.)

Some unsafe materials can sweat harmful toxins and chemicals that are possible carcinogens and cause genital irritation, burning, and scarring. In the worst cases, they risk infertility, diabetes, and neurological issues. In addition to chemicals, unsafe materials can be porous. Porous toys trap bacteria, viruses, and mold.

Rather than try to filter which jellies are okay and which are toxic — just stick with the safe materials.

Types of Dildos

For your first toy, I recommend going with some sort of classic dildo so you can adjust to its feel and learn how to maneuver it. But there are different kinds of dildos to choose from depending on your how dirty your intentions are. I’ve listed them out for you. If you want more specific information, you can hop to Chapter 3 for details on different types of sex toys.

  • Dildo
  • G-spot dildo
  • Realistic dildo
  • Inflatable dildo
  • Vibrating dildo
  • Double-ended dildo
  • Double-penetration dildo
  • Glass, metal, and wood dildos
  • Strap-on dildo
  • Anal dildo

Someone Clue Me In: Strap-on Dildos

Really, a strap-on dildo is for anyone who’s brave enough to use one.

Everyone jokes about strap-on dildos starting in the sixth grade. Then we realize halfway through high school (or college) that we don’t exactly know what they are or why they’re used.

A strap-on dildo is a dildo that attaches to a harness worn around the hips and legs of one partner. Although popular porn associates strap-ons with lesbian couples, lots of heterosexual couples use them too. Women find a lot of pleasure bending the gender-roles and penetrating their male partner. It’s called pegging, and it’s becoming a slow phenomenon in our sex culture. Really, a strap-on dildo is for anyone who’s brave enough to use one.

The Best Dildos For Women And Men

With the diversity of sex toys these days, there’s kind of a revolving door for dildos in my collection. But there have been some dildos that I will never forget, and some I refuse to exist without. I’ll share those with you. Remember that you may hate what I like, no hard feelings. If anything, these examples will inspire you to find the perfect match.

1st Place: 8” Realistic Silicone Dildo by Lyps

This puppy is made of medical-grade liquid silicone, so it’s as safe as it is soft. But what gets me good with this dildo is the shape and size. It’s an 8” dildo but the insertion length is six inches. It has a realistic thickness that fills me to the brim. It’s ribbed texture is like a silky internal massage. It’s waterproof and has a suction cup on the end, so it’s an ideal bath buddy.

2nd Place: Pleasures Thick 5

For the days when I just have to get it in, I turn to this guy. He has an extra-thick width, about 1.5 inches. But since the length is only five inches, this dildo is easy to work with. I get super aroused by the realistic look and feel of this one, and even more excited that it’s silicone. Plus it features a suction cup that sticks to most surfaces, and of course I’ve tested them all.

3rd Place: Icicles No. 5 Sapphire Spiral Glass Dildo

The feel of a glass dildo is something you have to try for yourself. This dildo is slick! (It’s wicked cool and slippery.) The texture of the blue swirl massages internal pleasure spots. You can heat or cool glass dildos to add an extra dimension of sensation, and this toy can take it. It has almost seven inches of insertable length, a two-inch diameter at the base, and nice round tip. Plus it’s hand-blown glass, for all the artisans out there.

Where to Buy a Dildo

You can buy a dildo on the Internet or at a nearby sex shop. Either option is fine; the bigger consideration is your privacy preferences. If you don’t want to risk bumping into your best friend’s dad in the butt plug isle, you can order online. I like shopping in stores because seeing the toys in person makes it easier to assess the materials. But more often than not, I order my dildos on Amazon.

The only risk in shopping online is that some companies will sell knock-off toys. The sex toy industry isn’t regulated. So vendors can claim a toy is silicone, but when it arrives on your doorstep it’s a floppy, jelly dildo. Not cool. Read the reviews and investigate as much as you can before you order your toy.

The Beginner’s Guide To Vibrators

Buying my first good vibrator changed my life. And I’ll tell you why:

Although I’ve always felt more sexually liberated than my peers, I kept my curiosities about sex toys locked up. I was embarrassed. Just saying the word dildo felt “slutty.” Buying a vibrator is greedy, I figured, which ironically led to overworked, cramped fingers.

It’s not 1950 anymore. Women express themselves sexually. They seek out pleasure and publicly discuss it afterwards. The clitoris is no longer some obscure myth that teenage boys discuss over campfires and in locker rooms. Yet dialogue about sex toys is hush-hush. We refrain from lassoing an orgasm whenever we need one.

I finally bought my first quality vibrator when I was 22 and it changed everything. It wasn’t just some temporary high. Purchasing a vibrator marked the moment I took responsibility for my sexuality, which doesn’t just mean orgasms galore. Taking responsibility for your sexuality means radical acceptance of your body and learning what makes you feel best.

The clitoris is no longer some obscure myth that teenage boys discuss over campfires and in locker rooms. Yet dialogue about sex toys is hush-hush. We refrain from lassoing an orgasm whenever we need one.

A foolish scarcity attitude out there yaps that women’s orgasms are rare and tricky. Bullshit flag. The problem here is a widely accepted approach towards women’s orgasms, that doesn’t take full advantage of our resources — ahem, vibrators.

Back in the mid 19th century, doctors were using wind-up, vibrating devices on women’s clitorises to remedy their “hysteria” — or, as we know today, severe sexual frustration. Two hundred years later, we’re still hesitant to admit vibrators can manifest healthy sex lives. This changes now!

3 Vibrator Myths Debunked

What’s funny about sex shops is that even if you’ve never stepped foot in one, they are exactly what you imagined them to be. Manikins wearing leather strap-on dildos, posters of extreme porn, silicone vibrators in every color, BDSM props, questionable latex suits… It doesn’t get more cliché. That many dick replicas would give any normal girl a serious case of phallic vertigo.

Sex toys and their many varieties give the impression that vibrators are just an extension of consumerism. They feel like unnatural way to get off. Women see gold plated, rhinestone dildos and think, “Seriously? Am I masturbating or auditioning for the next Fifty Shades of Grey?”

Vibrator Truth #1: Vibrators are just erotic props intended to set the mood and arouse pleasure.

Vibrators are no different than candles, perfume, or your favorite masturbation tracks. They are tools to turn you on. Your first XXX toy doesn’t have to be the cheetah print, glow-in-the-dark vibrator. Find the toy that feels most natural to you. Every lady has a vibrator out there that will love her for who she is.

Before I bought my vibrator, I wasn’t hung up on the look. I was stuck on the concept. As a woman, I should be able to have an orgasm when I have sex with a guy — I thought. If I can’t, one of us isn’t doing this right — I thought.

And I thought wrong. Coming sometimes feels like a Rubik’s cube. It takes a lot of combinations for a woman to orgasm: complete comfort with their partner, plenty of foreplay and stimulation, and a degree of skill from both parties.

Even if your partner is the Fabio of all orgasm-givers with sexy bits granted by the gods themselves, some women just don’t orgasm easily. This is where the vibrator steps in.

Vibrator Truth #2: Because of their mechanical nature, vibrators provide a higher degree of stimulation than humans are capable of. They make orgasms more likely.

Vibrators inspire the leap of faith that pushes you over the edge and into the freefall of orgasmic bliss. They are miniature, sometimes-sparkly freedom fighters — orgasms equally accessible to all!

So you introduce vibrators into the mix, bravo. Here comes one of the greatest myths of all: vibrators are addicting. It’s an understandable fear, but you won’t become a dirty edition of the old cat lady: collecting vibrators; gradually forgoing human contact; spending all of your time with your purring sex toys.

Vibrators are not drugs. You can’t form a tolerance to them. Your body won’t habituate to vibration and require more intensity over time because that isn’t how your physiology works. Instead you’ll find you require less stimulation to orgasm as you discover your predilections.

Vibrator Truth #3: Women who learn about their physical pleasure with vibrators are more sexually satisfied, even when vibrators aren’t involved.

Based on a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, women who use vibrators have a healthier sex life. They orgasm easier. They have higher arousal and a greater sex drive. Wondering where you can sign up?

Everybody’s Doing It

In 1970, 1% of women used a vibrator. Of course, times were different then. Women didn’t have convenient access to sex toys. Today, 52% of women have used a vibrator. Good vibrations are contagious.

Buying your first vibrator is a matter of joining the club. It doesn’t matter whether you are a wife, girlfriend, or lone wolf. Married women are twice as likely to purchase a vibrator, according to Adam & Eve. Of the 52% of women who have used a vibrator, 78% of them were in a relationship.

See? Sex toys are commonplace. Like selfie sticks and Kardashian drama, but with respectability and moral value.

Our world says it’s easier for men to orgasm than women. Too many women spend their lives searching for their sexuality within that narrow frame. Now we have that troubling orgasm gap (for every orgasm a woman experiences, a man has three).

In actuality, men and women have equal abilities to orgasm, if we only went about our techniques more effectively. For many women, this effective approach mean buying a vibrator. And for most women, it works.

Why not see what the buzz is about?

The Best Vibrators For Women (And Men)

In our society, space satellites know where we live yet 30% of women aren’t sure where their own clitoris is. It isn’t anyone’s fault, per say. But Lil Wayne can’t be the only one talking about pussies. No one told me where my clit was. I found it by a pleasurable series of trial and error.

Even when I determined the coordinates of my clit, I didn’t fully understand clitoral stimulation until I bought my first sex toy, a bullet vibrator. To this day, my bullet taught me most about the touch I like — medium pressure, alternating rhythms, fast speed.

Bullet vibrators are tube shaped toys designed for tickling your clit and the surrounding area (they feel incredible around your nipples and neck, too). Because their design is straightforward, bullet vibrators are the perfect apparatus to get your toes wet, amongst other areas.

The LELO Mia 2 is a classic bullet vibrator disguised as a tube of lipstick so you can take it anywhere, and I hope you do. Aside from the bullet, there are toys of all shapes and sizes designed for clitoral stimulation. The JimmyJane Form 2 is styled for the clit but has a wider surface area than a bullet, so the vibration stimulates your whole vulva.

I don’t mean to move too fast, but I’m psyched to introduce you to insertion vibrators. For these, the best launch pad is an egg vibrator, or “love egg.” A love egg is a small egg-shape vibrator that you put in your pussy. It’s attached to a cord so nothing sinks in the deep end.

The love egg is basic, but I love me some simple pleasures in life. You don’t have to know how to use a vibrator. Put the buzzing egg inside of you, massage your clit, and explore dual stimulation. The MOJOY Love Egg Vibrator is my golden child. It’s powerful, easy, and glows like a night-light — big selling point for me.

This wouldn’t be a complete vibrator buying guide without the Hitachi Magic Wand. This erotic vibrator is for the traditionalists out there searching for a Mr. Dependable to get the job done. The Hitachi Magic wand is a “personal massager,” emphasis on the personal.

The Hitachi is for clitoral masturbation, but I highly recommend putting a towel or your panties between the wand and your clit. You’ll understand when you turn it on. Luckily the Hitachi has some power settings, ranging from extreme AF to slightly extreme AF. Don’t forget to give yourself a little post-coital back massage. Treat yo’ self, as they say.

Though I’ve seen a decent amount of porn, I’ve never witnessed a clitoral vibrator in the scene. Which is absurd, because for three out of four women clitoral stimulation is necessary to orgasm. You need a clitoral vibrator because they are equally satisfying and educational. Once you learn what you like, you’ll know how to ask for and receive it.

How To Use A Vibrator For G-Spot Orgasms

Even though most of us prefer and require clitoral stimulation, we crave penetration. It’s like telling me not to push the red button that’s right in front of me. Right? In order to feel totally satisfied, I have to put something up there.

This is due to our internal pleasure points. I’m not just talking about the G-spot, friends. But also the A-spot and O-spot. One day we’ll discover enough spots to complete the alphabet or at least spell cool words.

The A-spot is on the front wall of your vagina (like the G-spot), right before the cervix. The O-spot is a little spongy area on the back wall of your vagina, a bit further than where you’d find the G-spot. Don’t worry about the specifics of your anatomy quite yet. Just understand that these spots are the reason why it feels so damn good to stick it where the sun don’t shine.

A classic vibrator gets you comfortable with the idea of penetration. Classic vibrators let you sample the combination of vibration and penetration. The Babeland Water Shimmer is fabulous it sparkles, and because it gives smooth, consistent stimulation.

One of my favorite vibrator techniques is to alternate between exciting my clit and arousing my internal pleasure points. Play around to learn vibrator techniques that work for you before you advance to intricate toys. Using a vibrator for masturbation is a refined art form. It takes practice and dedication to become a Picasso, so to speak, but I’m sure that won’t take long.

Worshipping the G

When I found my G-spot my orgasms changed. I spent years believing that I didn’t have one, or that mine didn’t work. These stories we tell ourselves about our lady bits are harmful to our sexuality. Just because you’ve never felt your G-spot before doesn’t mean it’s not there.

That being said, just because you have a G-spot doesn’t mean it’s going to give you the best orgasms of your life. Lately scientists and health experts have suggested the G-spot is a fairy tale. But many women, myself included, have experienced G-spot orgasms. As far as I’m concerned, those officials can take a long walk off a short pier, but be aware that G-spot intensity can vary.

G-spot vibrators are ergonomically designed with a curved tip to massage the G-spot area. G-spot play can feel deeply and strangely pleasurable. These vibrators are best if you want a wilder ride. The sensation feels like you have to pee and orgasm at the same time, which sounds weird, but believe me: you’ll get hooked.

After I bought the G Spot Massager and Dildo by Lyps, I was surprised to learn that I hadn’t taken full advantage of my G-spot. Vibrators stimulate the G-spot in ways that our basic human anatomy cannot. This is the reason why I love sex toys. They expand your sexual horizons in unexpected ways. They turn your sex life into a theme park with no lines — what’s better?

Getting Your Blended Orgasm

We’ve already talked about clitoral vibrators and what makes the best G-spot vibrators, but this is where it gets good. Although the science around the topic is a little blurry, many women are chatting about blended orgasms. Modern research attributes blended orgasms (or G-spot orgasms) to the combined stimulation of the clitoris, vagina, and uterus.

What’s it feel like, you’re wondering. It’s like when you order warm chocolate cake for dessert, but take your first big bite and realize it’s a molten chocolate cake, with melted chocolate oozing everywhere. A blended orgasm is nirvana.

A G-spot and clit vibrator gives you a shot at these juicy blended orgasms. Dual stimulation vibrators widen the radius of pleasure. Part of the vibrator goes inside of you, to vibrate against your G-spot, while another part reaches towards your clitoral area.

The G-spot & Clitoris Vibrator by Lyps is a novice option because it offers a range of speed settings without overwhelming. You can experiment with what you like. This vibrator hones in on G-spot and internal stimulation. If you’re the type who likes to push all the buttons in the elevator, this is your toy.

If you know you favor clitoral stimulation, give rabbit toys a go. Rabbit vibrators look like dual stimulation vibrators, except the part that reaches between your labia is a little rabbit with ears that flicker against your clit. My Best Rabbit Vibrator took me off the market for a while. I’m not ashamed. It was always DTF and didn’t ask for lingerie.

How to Choose a Vibrator

Sex toys aren’t the public spotlight, but they’re a social movement nonetheless. The sex toy industry currently rakes in $15 billion a year, and is projected to triple by 2050. There are more vibrators in this world than your pussy could dream of.

The more specifically you articulate your desires, the easier you will find the perfect vibrator. Put some thought into it. Don’t go searching for a “clit vibrator” on Google. Search for a “pink sparkly waterproof quiet clit vibrator with multiple speeds.”

Steer clear from toys made of phthalates. Phthalates are nasty chemicals used to soften rubber, and are associated with health threats like diabetes, infertility, and cancer. You don’t want to mess with these guys. For more information on this, refer to Chapter 2.

Narrow your search to vibrators that are 100% silicone. FDA medically approved silicone if you really want a treat. There will still be enough vibrators to wish you had two lifetimes to try them all. Happy shopping.

Frequently Asked Questions

What if I live in a crowded house with limited privacy?

Your orgasms should never have to pay the price. There’s a whole market providing discreet sex toys so you can get off under the radar. The Lovehoney Silencer can be your bedroom 007 — smooth, sneaky, and super fuckable. Don’t worry, the silence doesn’t compromise the strength. “Though she be but quiet, she is fierce!”

What if I don’t like the feeling of vibration and prefer the real deal?

If all this talk about vibrators makes you crave an actual cock instead of a silicone imposter — I get you. Penises don’t vibrate (sadly) but they do throb, which is exactly what the Stronic Eins Pulsator does. This toy mimics the throbbing and thrusting action of a penis. You won’t regret this package.

How can I get my partner to understand why I want to use a vibrator?

Sometimes lovers can take your desire to try vibrators personally, as though it’s a direct insult on their performance. Open and clear communication is the only approach. If you want to try a vibrator for the pure fun of it, explain to your partner that you want to try something new and adventurous. Make them a part of the process. They can help you choose a toy or use it on you.

If you want a vibrator because you aren’t feeling satisfied then your partner deserves to understand. Explain the complexities of your anatomy, and that your struggles to orgasm may have nothing to do with their performance. It makes sense for your lover to feel intimidated, but you have to place your needs first. Most partners find they experience more pleasure when the other party is satisfied. It’s a win-win situation, even if they don’t know it yet!

Bonus: try a good couple’s vibrator if you really want to take things to the next level.

Where is the best place to buy vibrators?

Where you buy a vibrator depends on your privacy preferences. While I prefer to get a hands-on experience at a sex shop, it’s less confidential. There’s always the risk of running into your elementary school P.E. teacher buying a ball gag. If you’re shy about buying a toy, order online for starters. Tons of sites, like Amazon, have a diverse selection with helpful details and reviews.

Check out our chapter on Buying the Best Sex Toy for a list of recommended stores.

Where can I hide my vibrator?

There’s nothing to be ashamed of in owning a vibrator, but it doesn’t mean you want it out on display. (Especially if you have parents, children, and roommates around you.) If you don’t have a sexy drawer, it may be time to declare one. You can also buy a treasure chest to stash your newly acquired riches, or get clever. Hide it beneath your mattress, in a suitcase or backpack, in a pair of shoes or shoebox, or in your underwear drawer. You can also disguise it plain sight, like in a plant or the cookie jar.

Are vibrators safe?

You may experience slight irritation if you’re allergic to the materials in your vibrator, but this only happens to 10% of users, according to a study by Indiana University. Swelling was reported by 8% of users, while 1% complained of cuts or tears. That’s why we recommend FDA approved medical grade silicone. If you use your vibrator normally and gently, you’re unlikely to experience any risk at all. The most common side effect is numbness, reported by 16% of women. Pressing the vibrator too hard against the genitals usually causes numbness, and the sensation goes away quickly.

How to use my vibrator during sex?

I’m so glad you asked. Involving your vibrator during sex brings you closer to the edge of orgasm. Use your vibrator on yourself as foreplay, or have your partner use it on you. Once you start fucking, you can ditch the toy or choose positions where you or your partner can still incorporate the vibrator on your body. Bet you never thought you’d enjoy threesomes so much.

What happens if my vibrator gets stuck?

Although your pussy seems like an endless tunnel, your vaginal canal is actually quite short. If for any reason you lose a sex toy, or it gets stuck, start by calming down. Relax your vaginal muscles, lube up, and use your fingers to retrieve the toy. If that doesn’t help, try pushing, like you’re giving birth to the sex toy. If you’re still unsuccessful, call the doctor. It might feel embarrassing, but remind yourself that they’ve seen virtually everything, and it’s better than the alternative of risking your health .

In the next chapter we talk all about sex toys designed for men (or genders with a penis). Chapter 5: All About Sex Toys For Men